posted on July 29, 2015 03:16
I will premise this article by stating I should have started writing it soon after the Saints game and not the day after the HRL All-Star game. I am sure I have erased some key moments of this day from my memory at this point. #sorrynotsorry #sorryforpartying #blameitonthealcohol
As most of the league has noticed, the Kardinals are having a bit of a “down” year. Teams no longer tremble when looking at our “power” numbers. Though we will never abandoned our swing hard in case you hit it team motto, we needed something to bring us together. Something to clear our heads and not think about Wiffleball for once. A bonding mission. Something to make us….Super Best Friends. After my idea of camping out at Pilot Knob for the weekend was turned down, we decided on checking out the Saints new digs in downtown St. Paul at majestical CHS Field. And boy did we pick a perfect day (Sunday, May 24th): High of 64 degrees with a side of RAIN. Like all day, annoying rain. Not enough to reschedule the game, nope. Just enough to never even think about sitting in our seats. Couldn’t even tell you where our actual seats were.
I’ll skip to the fun part since I am sure most of you are bored by now. We stood in the concourse area that is covered, right next to the beer stand for the entire game. Bonding, of course. By bonding I mean boozing.
When a few of the Saints slav…er, I mean Interns walked up to us and asked if we wanted to partake in some on-field antics. I thought what better way for the Kards to bond than to do some team building exercises on the field. I drunkenly agreed - much to the dismay of the rest of the squad.
We are herded downstairs and into a tunnel that is just filled with props and other shit. It was like the Saints were so used to living in a shitty old place that they just continued their lifestyle of shitty living…but hey, they’re fun to party with!
So as we are huddling up to get (awful) directions of what we are doing on the soaking wet field, when who do we run into? Smallpox! His demeanor is not of the thrilled kind. I don’t blame him. When you’re locked up underneath with the rest of the Saints sla…dammit, interns, you’re not gonna have a fun time.
Our on-field game is sponsored by Health Partners so we are dressed up in lab coats. They smell great. I imagine they smell like Flow’s or Hardball’s shirts do if they were to ever keep them on for a full game.
Fish and I pair up against Kobra and Viktor. *Side Note, see below. Each team is handed a dummy (insert teammate joke here). The goal of the game is to run your dummy through cones while carrying it on a gurney to a pile of gauze. The team is then to wrap the dummy where it has an “injury” and run it back. The injury announcement never happened….
As you can see in the video provided, Fish and I took notice of there being no injury status and took advantage of the situation, thus MURDERING Kobra and Viktor.
Our prize – snazzy new Saints hats that Fish wear’s to every wiffles game to remind Kobra and Viktor that hard work and ignoring the rules (thanks eXpos!) pays off. We celebrated with a Viktory beer(ssssss) at Barrio after the game. Our team has never been closer….to the Mendoza line. This is all good news because the Kards (spoiler alert) will all be in Baltimore for the City Finals (stay tuned for that article). We were going to have to let the Yankees win the division anyways…we just decided to end our Back to Back to Back division title campaign a little early. But we are truly the ACTUAL Super Best Friends of the league…so suck on that, Reds.
* Side Note: Notice Tootin, Boom and Walla are missing. Tootin thought he was having way too good of a season to waste his time and talent bonding with the team. I think he stayed at home playing All-Star Baseball 2004 on the XBox. Pretty sure he created his own character and only made him pitch against sub .500 teams. Boom was off molding young minds and creating future baseball stars…well future Wiffleball stars at least. Walla was nursing his newborn twin boys and already telling them they are going to be lefties and you only show up when it’s the short porch in right.
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