We know him as H8R. Hendi tried to call him Little Princess. Didn’t really stick. He tried to be called The Legend in an attempt to one-up his friend and on-field nemesis The Man. While his official title at the league office remains The Legend, we all still know him as H8R. He has the sharpest wit and tongue in the league. New players don’t get it. Old players do - well most of them. He puts tabasco in your wounds. He puts salt in your sugar jar. Rumors persist that he used to make local stand up comedy appearances. A non-stop talker, H8R does have an actual profession as a Certified Real Estate Appraiser where he supervises the review of residential appraisals for quality assurance on a national level. H8R was born and raised in St Louis Park and currently resides at Fortress H8R.

He grew up playing baseball until he was 17. He is also your wiffle master. Two-time defending champion. Unabashed confidence. He promises a third championship (and more). On the field he has transformed himself from an average power hitter to a monstrosity of power. Last year he hit 44 HR and drove in an absurd 100 RBI. Sure he struck out 113 times for the second year in a row but he doesn’t really care about that. He just wants to take you deep.

Do you remember the moment in time that you decided not to wear sleeves anymore? Hah, Of Course.  The whole World does.  And what the people wanted, the people got!

First wiffle memory?

Looking at a painted board that was said to be the strike zone and laughing.

First time playing competitive wiffles?

2013 NWLA Tournament.  Who am I kidding, those other All Star teams are a bunch of low level wifflers that wouldn’t even be in the middle of the pack in the HRL.

Favorite memory of being in the HRL?

Seeing all of the ladies and children’s faces light up when H8R hits home runs, throws no hitters and wins the HRL Cup 3 years in a row.  H8R does it for the women and children, Shirls.  For the women and children!

If you weren't a Gotham what team would you most want to play for?

The Minnesota Wild or H8R could probably be the starting QB or RB for the Cleveland Browns.  If H8R had to choose an HRL team it would have to be the Tigers.  H8R  feels bad for Shamwow.  He is a fan favorite at the rink year in and year out but the rest of his team doesn’t show up to support him.  He should be given Managerial rights to a team and be able to pick his own squad.

Least favorite/hardest pitcher to hit against?

Box.  H8R feels like H8R hits a home run against him every at bat.  H8R has to make a concerted effort to dial it down a notch when at the plate against him.

Least favorite/hardest batter to pitch to?

Vlade.  This league is all that guy has got.  H8R doesn’t want to ruin the only thing keeping him on earth, so every once in a while H8R has to make sure to coast one right in there for the big guy.

What flipped the switch for The Gothams?

The switch was flipped when The Gothams were put together.  Since the day The Gothams were put together, The Gothams have been the best team in the HRL, Midwest, USA and the World.  

How did you transform yourself into such a prolific power hitter? Any mechanical changes or is it mental?

All mental.  H8R was already one of the most feared hitters in the HRL, however H8R started to work out more, eat better and also decided to dedicate 13-15 seconds to slow down and try a little.

Top 3 Bands/Musicians?

H8R thinks the top 3 bands are The Foo Fighters, The Guns N’ Roses and The Rise Against.

Favorite 3 comedians?

H8R, Patrice O’Neal and Greg Giraldo

Hunt or fish?

Hunt.  H8R enjoys being one with nature…and killing shit.

Dream job?

Real Estate Mogul or WWE Champion

Dream place to live?

H8R would  live at a private warm weather island.

Favorite baseball player when you were a kid?

H8R was and still is a fan of Jose Canseco and Rickey Henderson.  H8R knows that he has listed two players, however enjoys both characters.

Who is your favorite Don?

H8R thinks Don Rickles is a funny ass old guy.

Rather own a luxury yacht or jet?

H8R doesn’t really care.  If H8R owned either, H8R would be able to afford the other.

In a past life H8R was…Just as awesome as H8R is now.

Word associations:

Slider: Homerun

Hell: Bring It

Pain: Worth It

I don't just PLAY, I DOMINATE

Would you rather:

Have an untreatable, bad case of Tourette's where you blurt out the words "Love Me" or have a condition whereby you audibly fart every time someone says the word "then" around you?

H8R would welcome Tourette’s.  Due to H8R’s current usage of the English Language, people would not even notice.

Rather go camping or a Nascar Race?

H8R does enjoy a quiet weekend in the woods of Minnesota, however H8R would also enjoy a Nascar event.

What is the most frightening thing you have ever done?

Taking the field against the Red Sox in the HRL World Series two years in a row.  Those kids were shaking in their little cleats and wetting themselves both times when we took the field.

Morning drink - coffee, tea, energy drink or nothing?

H8R drinks protein shakes and OJ.

How many titles in a row can the Gothams realistically win?

The Gothams will win the title every year they are in the league.  The Gothams have the 3 best pitchers in the league in H9K, Web Gem and H8R.  The Gothams have the most prolific power hitter of all time in H8R.  The Gothams have a perennial Jack Cust winner in Jagr and have also added Dirty Steve who is a proven early morning deal sealer.

Ideal team draw for Wifftoberfest?

H8R will be happy to lead any group of scrubs to the Wifftoberfest Title.  

Have you ever played World of Warcraft?

No.  H8R is too busy with training and making appearances.  

Been out of the country? If so where?

H8R has been to Mexico multiple times and a handful of Caribbean Islands.

Your walk up song would be?

H8R by Dave Grohl, Axl Rose, Lil Wayne and Rick Ross

How many speeding tickets in the last 5 years?

Don’t worry about H8R’s record.

More likely to own a 4 wheeler or a scooter?

H8R thinks this is a joke.  The answer is a 4 wheeler and a motorcycle.

Posted in: Side of Cheese

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