posted on July 16, 2015 16:44
It seems that with many of the pre-tournament articles, “lists” of varying types seem to be a popular way to go. One league may have a list of their team rankings, another may have a list of travel options, and others may try to use a list to match leagues to superheroes or the like. HRL is always quick to adapt to the newest trends in the wiffleball world, so we also want to do some of that wacky “listing” thing all the kids seem to be in to. Below you will find our new list in which we equate each of the eight leagues returning to Ohio with a variety of lettuce that fits them the best.
This is going to be exciting!
Griffleball – Torenia Lettuce – Torenia lettuce is described as “loose, buttery heads of light green, melt-in-your-mouth leaves”. I mean, hello! If you simply change the word green to yellow, you’re describing Griffleball to a T! On the wiffleball field, we know that there’s a level of substance, but they can never quite come together and form a cohesive unit. Off the field, it’s like Mad Mike XXL with those dudes. Nate Bryan and Jeremy Ratajczyk are dreamy, and any woman love to have them melt in their mouths.
HRL – Drunken Woman Frizzy Headed – Yes, that’s an actual variety of lettuce, look it up. We’re done here. Moving on…
MWL – Breen Lettuce- Breen is a baby romaine lettuce, meaning that it’s young like the Mequonderers, and short… Like the Mequonderers.
OCWA – Chinese Lettuce – Chinese lettuces are stiff, strong-flavored varieties… Again, a perfect match for OCWA! Stiff, like them at the plate, and leaves a bad taste in your mouth when you’re done.
PWL – Matchless Lettuce – Loose, delicate heads of soft green leaves. Like PWL, it looks pretty good when you see it, but once things get a little hot, it’s very likely to wilt.
SWBL – Red Salad Bowl Lettuce – Red Salad Bowl is a loose leaf variety of lettuce, which means it needs just the right temperature to flourish, much like SWBL has done with their tournament draw in the last couple of years. It’s hard to say just how good either the Red Salad Bowl Lettuce or the Skibbe Wiffle Ball League are, but I can guarantee you this… If you dump enough ranch dressing on either of them, you’re bound to enjoy it much more.
TBW – Red Iceberg Lettuce – I don’t really have a great reason for this one other than Derek Linderman catches a lot of sun down in Tampa so he’s usually a bit read, and his head is shaped a bit like a head of iceberg lettuce.
WSEM – Blushed Butter Oak – This lettuce has green leaves that have a “rose” tinge on them… Which looks a whole lot like the WSEM drunken entourage, doesn’t it? I mean, once again, it’s perfect.