by Mippey5

Instead of fixing my dishwasher, I created a mock 16 team single elimination wiff madness bracket. I spent countless minutes seeding the teams based on last year’s performances and offseason moves. I’ll attach the image of the bracket at the bottom after the seed reveals. While filling out your bracket, remember teams can’t pitch the same pitcher twice in a row.

First off, the NIT teams (because I didn’t want to mess with play-in games)

Bears (2-37)
Welp, they’re the Bears. Loved by everybody but Dream, but they probs wouldn’t make a run in the tourney.

Pirates (9-28)
Decent stats, especially Knuckles, but didn’t translate to wins last year. Favorite to win the NIT tournament.

Orioles (0-0)
New team, who dis? Based on early message board presence, likely to be a league favorite squad. No idea if H8R’s dad has H8R’s skill though.

Rockies (6-30)
Was initially in the field of 16, but team didn’t show up in time for selection show. Likely no show to NIT tourney.

Which leads us to the reveal of the Sweet 16 and their first round matchups…

You can vote here on Twitter:

#1 Rays (35-4) vs. #16 Giants (13-26)

Based on my completely unbiased viewpoint, the reigning, undisputed, heavyweight champion of the world Rays are once again the team to beat. They were able to add the veteran Two Bat without losing any talented players from their squad. If Griz can finally get over his crush on Smallpox and devote his full attention to wiffleball, this team will be scary.

The Giants are steady like the ballast of a boat. While consistent and stable, they are consistently underwater, and can’t get back to the surface. Despite their .333 winning percentage, they still have quality pitchers in Dr. K, as well as Bliss Jr. who shut down the (defending champion) Rays last year.

#8 Yankees (26-12) vs. #9 Marlins (23-16)

Are the Yankees underseeded? If Hardball is healthy, then yes. If the rumors are true that teams have been stealing pitch signals from Rocket, then no. The Yankees boast a very balanced, patient team that are veterans of the game. Look for them to bring their devoted fans for a potential second round upset.

The Marlins have boasted one of the better hitting lineups in the league for the last couple years. It’s the pitching that has held Derek Jeter’s team back from taking it to a championship level. Box gives them a chance to win any game, but after that Catfish’s? kid is probably their 2nd best option.

#4 Dodgers (24-12) vs. #13 Twins (16-21)

The Dodgers are the next team to ruin the league. If by ruining the league we mean injecting the league with youthful talent, much like the (champion) Rays did, then they are next in line. Last year they dethroned the Reds in the playoffs, and now with every player but Epstein hitting puberty, they are even more dangerous.

You pretty much know what you’re going to get with the Twins. Talented players that aren’t overly competitive and a lot of chest hair. K Mart (Griz’s 2nd man crush) can be filthy while giving about 72% effort. The Twins probably epitomize what the league was supposed to be about before the young kids came and ruined it.

#5 Rangers (26-12) vs. #12 D Bags (19-19)

The Rangers desperately needed depth, and they got that in the offseason. They successfully stole H8R from the Bees, making Hopkins a 64% more fun league to play in than last year. They also picked up H9K who I’ve never seen play. K, I just looked up his old stats. Damn it. He’s good. The Rangers are one of 5 teams that could win it all this year.

The surprise Wifflepalooza champs D Bags had the privilege of getting swept by (the eventual champ) Rays in the first round of the playoffs. The team consists of a bunch of above average hitters, and a top tier pitcher in Lulu. In a one game situation, the D Bags could beat anyone, but in a series they’ll struggle.

half done.
(btw my dishwasher fixed itself)

#2 Reds (33-6) vs. #15 Mariners (16-21)

The Reds are mad. The Reds are motivated. Last year the wiffleball universe wanted a Reds/Rays championship, but Reds wanted one more year to build the drama. With one of the best two way players, Handsome Mat, back, the Reds now have a top 5 lineup to go along with the most balanced pitching rotation in the league. It’s been a long winter for Dr. Seuss, and he’s about to take his anger out of the Mariners in round one.

The team with the best uniforms has combined with the Ass Bros for 2018. I’m scared and excited to see what orange/green color scheme Radio will come up with for this hybrid team, but I’m sure it’ll be “lit”. The Mariners will have more depth and balance, but with O’Bannion leaving, and Squirrel tearing his labia, it’s tough seeing them get too deep.

#7 Braves (27-9) vs. #10 Rustlers (0-0)

Chops continues to be one of the toughest outs in the league. With another year of experience, Slayer is primed to be a Yellow Slammer contender. There aren’t any weak spots on the team, so they will be competitive with anybody. Do they have the firepower to make a run? We’ll never know, because this is a fictional bracket.

The Rustlers are new to the league, but might be the most naturally athletic team. It might take a couple weeks for them to adjust to fast pitch wiffleball rules, but once they become acclimated, Vlade will have yet another team to hate. Stache will win Rookie of the Year and post a sub 3 ERA. There are 3 players on the team that could hit 20+ homeruns. A number 2 pitcher remains their most glaring concern.

#3 Mets (0-0) vs. #14 B Jays (17-22)

Don’t you hate superteams? The Mets are a superteam. Despite having to pick up the dead weight contracts of Hondo and Taco, the rest of the Mets are all talented. Look for them to clinch their division in early May.

Losing Thunderson was a big blow for the BJ’s. Vlade, being used to big blows, took it in stride and tried his best to fill in Thunderson’s gaping hole. The only man for the job was Al. Al, unlike Vlade, is used to filling in gaping holes easily so the transition should go smoothly. Eddie Bauer and MacGruber will continue to bring the fun and “so outdated it’s trendy” rock music to the rink for another quality, sub .500, BJ season.

#6 Kards (29-8) vs. #11 Bees (21-18)

The Kards were one of the surprise teams from last year. They can mash and Boom can pitch. They had the opportunity to play on the same field as the (World Series winner) Rays for 4 games in September, which I believe was Sanchez’s Make-A-Wish this year, so Kudos to them. Granted they got swept, but who’s keeping track? Expect a similar season this year minus the Loyola-Chicagoesque run through the playoffs.

The Bees were stung by the loss of H8R, but all is not lost in their season. Sanchez may bee able to coax more teams to play lob games now that there won’t bee as much trash talking. This year Sanchez will hit the milestone of drawing 500 walks, and giving up 1,000 walks, something that will bee great in his Tinder bio. If The Man shows up to this fictional tournament, the Bees could pull off an upset.

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