posted on October 19, 2018 12:59
As year 15 (XV because that’s cooler) of the HRL has come to a close, we look back at the season that was.
The Headlines: The Noobs in Eagan were the Orioles, who kind of sucked but hey they were fun and have a grill! The Noobs in Hopkins were legit behind Clark and Stache. The Rays Went Back2Back like ‘96 ‘97 sweeping the young Dodgers. Bears unveiled their new Bears Bar. Nightmare got his 1000th career strikeout which he REALLY cared about, but no one else did. Web Gem had more kids which is exciting, also played very good wiffle in 2018. EAD’s back still hurts from carrying the Rockies to a few wins. The Marlins went from wifflepalooza to the Eagan Finals where they were swept… Reds won the Eagan regular season, then lost again. Sanchez is still super handsome and hits bombs. Mippey wore a shirt like none of the time and hit a lot of dongs. Truck battled injury, and we wish a speedy recovery to you in the offseason! WE HAD A CROWBAR THREAT and this will live in HRL infamy… Honored to have been present.
And the only one that really matters is after 10 seasons, the Blue Jays have played their last games as a franchise. The league will be a different place without the blue balled birds in 2019.
Team by Team Breakdown:
The Reds were the 1 seed behind a great year for Nightmare, and small ball that pissed a lot of people off. Still love all you MF’ers.
Yankees hit the shit out of the ball behind Rocket and Torpedo, while Hardball was untouchable earning him CY Wiffle. Rocky has got to be the nicest guy in the league.
Psych won MVP in Eagan and Epstein won Yellow Slammer on the way to the Dodgers winning Eagan. Just to get swept in the World Series.
Rex and Box were a nasty combo for the Marlins. Losing to the Rockies in Palooza was dull, but beating the Reds when it mattered was cool for this gang.
Duece had a career year, while Sanchez hit moon shots with his J-Hooked bat for the BEES!
Kards had a world series hangover, probably because Boom never showed up.
Spaz had a 1.03 ERA but no offense behind him as the Pirates conjured up 13 wins.
The Bears found a star in The Professor who did everything for them. Most fun 2018 team (They even had a bar).
EAD is really good at the game, the rest of the Rockies aren’t quite as good, but hey they try.
Kong and the Orioles were a terrific addition to the league and the loss column! They will improve a lot over the offseason and be back ready for 2019.
The damn Rays went 35-4 but lost to the bears. Everyone on this team was phenomenal.
JC won MVP after a career year and Taco was lights out for the Mets. Who knows where the traveling tandem (Hondo and Taco) will take their talents to in 2019.
Clarke was the best rookie in the league, and Stache threw balls that grazed the grass all year long. The Rustlers have a dangerous core.
Knooty and the DBacks made a few key signings such as Jet Plane to help them reach the playoffs yet again.
The Rangers had a 3 man lineup half the time, and may split up in 2019. Sad to see these guys split.
The Braves fell victim to shitty weather at most of the season, and had a .500 record. Thunderson is a legit pitcher and had multiple no hit losses. Tough
Rookie Boy Kelly was phenomenal for the Giants, who look to take a huge step in 2019.
Squirrel went fucking crazy in Palooza against the Dbacks hitting 3 bombs in an upset win for the Mariners. Their new guys Super Dave and Manziel should be back in 2019.
The Twins were under the radar most of the year, but K-Mart led them in every category.
And lastly the BJ’s did not have the final season they would have hoped for, or maybe they did. I hope to see all the former Blue Jays around the league next year.
Free agency starts Nov. 1 and it shall be exciting as ever. #DraftDay
Thanks for listening to my bullshit and see you assholes soon. Much love