Here it you go:

“His two roommates have already played in multiple NWLA tournaments. He sports one of the best mustaches in the game. He is well known for his riser that tickles the grass before hitting the board. He is Casey Urbach of the Hopkins Rubberducks. Casey is an original member of Factor Field, and a multiple time Wifflin For Wishes Champion with the Factors. In his rookie season in the HRL in 2018, he led the rookie Rustlers to a playoff berth, and won 9 games on the mound. He joins long time teammates Mippey5 and Huck Finn on an HRL team getting younger by the year, and hungry for a cup. Casey is a versatile player who figures to get innings in pool play on the mound, and be a huge bat at the end of the lineup. If he has anything to say about it, he will be trotting around the bases all Sunday afternoon long in Morenci.” -Psych

We all know who Dr. Seuss is and what he brings to the table for wiffleball and what he does for the HRL national team. Seuss has a deadly riser and is a smart pitcher on the mound. Might be one of the greatest pitchers the HRL has ever seen. So why would I sit here talking about what everyone already knows about him? I’m not, I asked him a few questions about his experiences and about his teammates going to nationals. Given this is the HRL I find it fitting to start with some homerun questions.

1. Your first year in the HRL was 2006, it took all of two games before you gave up your first

homerun to Bourg. Do you remember that play? Take me through the situation.

The Indians were the defending champs and nerves were high. I don’t remember what pitch he

hit, but I do remember him poking it over the fence in short left, pretty early in the game. I later

learned he was the team’s least threatening hitter.

2. Reversely, it also took you two games to hit your first homerun off Steve 2. Do you remember

that homerun? Do you still have that ball? That was a pretty big homerun given the game

finished 2-1.

An inning before this homerun, I committed an error that allowed the tying run to score, spoiling

an otherwise outstanding debut by Spoon, which I told him I’d make it up to him. Steve 2 had

been throwing hard sliders all night, so bottom of the 6 th I waited on an outside slider and hit an

oppo walk off game winner on long right. I would give a lot to have that ball back, but sadly I do


3. What superpower would you want to have and why?

Flight, though I’m writing this in the midst of a 23 hour travel day so I may answer differently

later. (missed opportunity with teleportation to not have any travel time)

4. Mt. Rushmore of the HRL

This is really tough. I wish TJ and Spoon had longer careers, they were incredible. I’ll say Truck,

Tugboat, J-Ski, and Palpatine.

5. Which teammate (National team) has the best style?

Hardball, in a Reds jersey.

6. Which teammate (National team) would hate living in Morenci the most?

It’s…It’s almost certainly me.

7. Given you have a RubberDuck and two Reds on the national team, two teams that the league

repeatedly points out have bad music, which team has the better/worst music?

The Reds have the greatest playlist in HRL history. (zero mention on the worst playlist….)

8. HRL World series, runner on second, two outs, down one, sixth inning. You’re the manager, who are you sending to the plate? (Anyone in the league, more than likely a right-handed pitcher)


9. Guilty pleasure on your playlist you don’t want anyone else to know about.

I’m very open about all my sons on the playlist, but if I absolutely had to pick one it would be

“Believer” by Imagine Dragons, on there per request of an unnamed teammate who I’ll refer to

as “Booh Pear”.

10. You just got married last year, can we expect in about 16 years a young Dr. Seuss in the league

pitching alongside their father?

That would be the dream, though we may be waiting a bit longer than that.” -Stache

“Epstein preview: Definitely doesn't bring any nut hair to the team. Balls haven't dropped. More zits than H8R (hard to pull off). Got into the univ of Minnesota but that ain't saying much (hell they accepted me for fucks sake).” -Two Bat 

“Thunderson is one of the finest gentlemen in the HRL. He is a consistent supporter of various HRL efforts. Field set up? He’s there. Rinks swampy on gameday? He’s there early to clean up. Wifflin for Wishes? In. ALS Wiffleball? In. Thunderson was long a member of the HRL Blue Jays and left to join the Braves two seasons ago. His lefty heat has been giving hitters trouble for a long time. He sports a 3.27 ERA and .293 batting average this season.The real reason Thunderson is here is as our official radar gun. He used to be a police officer and can give us instant pitch speed and BAC estimates from the bench. He’s used to directing traffic, so first base coach will be a perfect position for him.” -Epstein

“Two Bat preview: Two Bat is good. He throws harder than most. He hits the ball over the fence frequently. We are happy to have Two Bat.” -Epstein

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