NEWS

23
Phew.
Yup.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.  The season moves pretty fast.  If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.
Oh yeah…
 
I didn’t actually say that before.  And I probably won’t say it again.  I was paraphrasing Ferris Bueller… you know, from his day off.*  Okay… why, what's your point?
 
HOLY SH*T the season went by fast!  That’s my point!
 
It seems like just a few weeks ago that we were wondering if we’d even have a season.  It seems like just yesterday I was screaming to follow the mask rules so that we could play and not get shut down by the city.  It all happened so fast.  It hardly seems like it even happened.
 
Look at us now.  Wifflepalooza is staring us right in the face.  Most of us will be playing our final wiffles of 2020 over the next week or so.
 
The COVID-shortened season is almost over.  It came and went too quickly… it sucks.  I want to go on record saying this year, and this season sucked. 
 
But you know what?  It was better than no season. 
 
I take that back.  It wasn’t just better than no season, it was better than most seasons.
 
I often tell my kid to stop worrying about what the other kid has.  It doesn’t matter.  Don’t worry about what you’re missing.  Be grateful, appreciate, and make the most of what you have.
 
And in this flaming sh*tbag of a year, we got 25+ games of wiffleball.  For a dozen nights, we got to pack our coolers, unfold our chairs, lace up our cleats, and forget about all the B.S.  We got an escape.  We got a dozen little vacations from 2020.  We had something to look forward to each week.
 
Thank goodness for wiffleball.  We needed something to get us through the summer, to take our minds off things, to look forward to.  Thanks! 
 
Also, thanks Trucker, for creating all of this.  Thanks Huck and Webby and Seuss and all the other guys who worked hard to get this season going.  And thanks to everyone in the league for not screwing it up!
 
Time for jokes!
 
(Week 1 Ranking: X, and Previous Week ranking: Y)
 
22. Lugnuts (0-0).  Just because… it didn’t feel right not talking about Franklin and his ‘Nuts for an entire season.  Lugnuts, I miss you and hope you’re all back next season, fully kilted and loaded on Hamms! 
 
 
15.  Pirates (4-20).  I predicted a .500 season for the Rats… I missed that one like Jussie Smollett misses those Empire paychecks… because he got fired…  Okay, Jokes: 0 for 1.  Rats were swept by the Yanks last week and have the Vibes and maybe a make-up series this week to get right heading into Wifflepalooza.  P.S. Porkbot, s’up.  (W1 Rank: 13, PR: 13)
 
 
14.  Bish Please Yards Goats (6-19).  The Goats are finishing the rankings where they started, number 14.  This was a tough ranking because I really think the Professor/Shipwreck** combo makes this team really pretty competitive.  Unfortunately, that duo didn’t show up enough for a meaningful impact on the team.  At least as far as my rankings are concerned.  I still have a little hope Shippy can get his crap together and show up for Wifflepalooza and help the Goats upset a couple teams…  (W1 Rank: 14, PR: 12).
 
 
13.  RoughRiders (4-21).  Well… Hjal really screwed me and my predictions for the 2020 RoughRiders.  I think with him in the mix, the Riders are easily a .500 team, maybe better… but alas, what might have been… anyways, the “good” news is that the Riders are finishing the season “strong” (i.e. not losing all the games).  Hopefully, they can keep up this improved play heading into ‘Palooza.  I am excited to see Dumpy and Dumpy Sr. in the playoffs, if for no other reason than to watch Dumpy tease his old man about… well, being an old man.  (Week 1 Rank: 10, Previous Rank: 15)
 
 
12.  Saints (5-22).  You know things are weird when I don’t feel like talking about Bliss’s lack of run support or making fun of Vlade…  Just kidding.  Vlade, you old grouch, get Bliss Jr. the run support he deserves.  Be the former batting champ you think you are!  The Saints wrap up their season with the Pups/Ballers on Thursday.  (W1 Rank: 12, PR: 14)
 
 
11.  Americans (10-17).  You know what.  It just occurred to me that I won’t get to hear Lulu talk trash again until 2021.  That makes me sad.  Speaking of 2021, what happens with this bunch?  The Mariners half of the team bails, I’m pretty sure.  I mean, that’s what I’d do.  My boy KB comes over to Eagan to play with me.  Lulu to the Kards…  Is this the end of the Americans?  If it is, you fellas only have a couple games left together, cherish them.  American’ts play with the Ball(er)s and Chihuahuas this week to end the regular season.  (W1 Rank: 7, PR: 11)
 
 
10.  Kardinals (10-16).  The Kards have been playing better lately.  They’re hitting majestic blasts.  They’re pitching okay.  Is Boom getting himself playoff eligible?  Are they drinking more cold beer?  Have they recaptured the 2017 magic?  I don’t know what it is, but I like it, and I think I like the Kards’ chances to win a few games on Saturday. (W1 Rank: 8, PR: 9)
 
 
9.  Rumble Ponies (10-19).  Their 2020 motto is (or should be): No Fear.  Pandemic?  No problem.  Never played wiffleball before?  Whatever… I dunno… I had a lot of steam when I started writing this … now… not so much.  Anyways, I believe their actual motto is, “You’re stuck with us now.”  Meaning, they’ll be back in 2021.  Which makes me happy.  They’re a great addition to the league.  Danny wore a Mighty Ducks sweatshirt to the Ponies/Cakes game last week.  That has nothing to do with anything.  I’m just pointing it out.  These guys: A+.  Hmm… So… I’m doing the math (see below), if all the 2019 teams return, plus the Ponies… does that mean we’ll have room for another team?  KB, you thinking what I’m thinking?   (W1 Rank: 15, PR: 10)
 
 
 
 
8.  Chihuahuas (12-14).  Does anyone else think Groot should have to scream, “I AM GROOT” anytime he hits a homerun?  I mean, it wouldn’t happen often (burn!), but it would be funny when it did!  Fun fact: only two Wifflepalooza teams have defeated the Chihuahuas this year.  So what?  Well, that’s reason number three I believe the Chihuahuas make it out of Wifflepalooza.  Reason 1: Air Bud.  Reason 2: The Wish.  Chihuahuas finish the season with the Aint’s and Can’ts Thursday.  (W1 Rank: 11, PR: 8)
 
 
7.  Yankees (15-14) are getting ready for their first Palooza in awhile.  2016 maybe?  That’s as far back as I can sort of remember.…  The Yanks are a team full of guys with playoff experience and they’ve already beaten a lot of Palooza teams this year.  I think that’s a good sign for Rockey & Co.  (originally a typo, now I think I like “Rockey,” as in Rocket + Rocky).  The Yankees snap a four game losing streak by sweeping the Rats last week and have/had games with the Crawdads this week.  [I wrote that, now I’m looking and see they got swept by the Crawdads, but guess what I’m too lazy to correct that… but not too lazy to write this exceptionally long note…]  (W1 Rank: 9, PR: 7)
 
 
6.  Crawdads (22-5).  [Remember, don’t mention the team name, being old, or Chops].  These guys have won 22 games, including 9 of the last 10.  Unlike a lot of teams, the shortened season has not impacted their ability to hit majestic blasts and score runs.  They have some pitching too, which will help.  I’m excited to see this group of guys in post-Palooza playoffs.  It’ll be an interesting ride.  Especially if they play the Vibes in Round 1… I can’t say why though, as my comments would certainly be based entirely on the ages of the teams… which is off limits..  (W1 Rank: 6, PR: 6)
 
 
5. Vibes (16-10).  Remember when I wasted a month talking about the mascot looking like a S’mores?   [shrug] Vibes finish their season this week with the Rats.  (W1 Rank: 5, PR: 4)
 
 
4.   Cannon Ballers (17-9) are a very good team.  I have nothing new to say, but I’ll say the same old stuff… I love JC.  I want to keep Taco in my pocket.  Stache is my favorite guy to pretend to hate.  Zabka is probably in my top 10 favorite guys I ever played with.  Also… Face should make “Facetime!” a thing.  When he hits bombas he does his weird thing… that could be “Facetime!” or something… It’s a catch phrase he could workshop… I like it... The Ballers finish the season with the Americans and Saints Thursday.  (W1 Rank: 4, PR: 5)
 
 
 
3.  Baby Cakes (21-4).  I get it now.  In my Week 1 rankings I said the Cakes had the greatest jerseys of 2020.  People are jealous and that’s why they keep saying our jerseys are ugly.  Makes total sense.  Cakes swept the Ponies last week, get to finish with Dumpy and the Riders this week..  (W1 Rank: 3, PR: 3)
 
 
2.  Brewers (23-6).  Did we ever get confirmation that BabyFace is (or is not) one of Webby’s kids?  Just wondering.  I’ve really been interested in the multi-generational wiffling going on this season and want to know if these two should be on my list of father/son duos.  I’ll put them on the list for now.  Right after Cheerio and Mippey… (throw back to week 1 burn!).  (W1 Rank: 2, PR: 2)
 
 
1. Speaking of Mippey… the Biscuits (25-4).  So, how does a guy like Smallpox shut down opposing teams in that fancy Wifflepalooza-wannabe tournament last weekend, but then come home to the HRL where he has a career 4.30 ERA.  How does that even happen?  Are HRL hitters just that much better than the rest of the country?  Has he been taking it easy on us?  Umm.  If that is the case, Smallpox, can I ask you a favor?  Can you start taking it easy as a hitter, and less so as a pitcher?  The opposing pitchers of the league would appreciate that.  thank you in advance.  (W1 Rank: 1, PR: 1)
 
 
* That movie came out in 1986… for $1000, how many current HRL players weren’t alive in 1986?
 
**I realize he has an 0-4 record.  Don’t even worry about it, I stand by my comment.
 
***Uh oh, almost forgot to thank Dee who has been posting these most of the season.  Thanks budDEE!!!
 
 
 

Post Rating

Comments

There are currently no comments, be the first to post one!

Post Comment

Name (required)

Email (required)

Website

CAPTCHA image
Enter the code shown above: