NEWS

03

Consider this week’s rankings snack sized.

Time for jokes…

20. The Lugnuts (0-9) aren’t winning any games, but at least they’re keeping them close (within a dozen… usually).  

19. Bears (0-6) haven't lost a game in almost a month.  They also haven’t played in almost a month.

18. Millers (2-8).  Bliss doesn’t get any— I can’t do it.

17. Blue sOx (3-10).  Why isn't this team winning more games?  [Nightmare sees Vlade on the roster]  Oh.  That makes more sense.

16. Mariners (3-9).  It’s official, I cursed this team.

15. Yankees (3-7).  Y’all need to quick d*cking around and start playing wiffleball.

14. RubberDucks (3-7).  Bold-ish prediction: Facetime TWICE tonight.

13. Twins (4-7).  I hope flow doesn’t play tonight.  But also, I mostly hope he does.

12. Marlins (3-5).  Cannablast: 4 games, 4 hits, 4 bombs.  He is the chosen one.

11. Chihuahuas (5-7).  This week I predict Air Bud and Murse go deep.

10. Team Sanchez (5-7).  Bring The Man back to Eagan.  We miss him.

9. Rumble Ponies (5-5).  Bojack Horseman.  I’ve heard good things.

8. RoughRiders (5-5).  Hjal has made three series in a row.  Dumpy hasn’t missed a game.  Watch out for this team.

7. Trash Pandas (6-3).  Will these guys (and gal) cool off after not playing in nearly a month?  I predict: yes.

6. Manatees (8-4) might go (almost) a month between losses.

5. Baby Cakes (9-1).  Nightmare still kinda sucks.

4. Bold prediction of the week, the Americans (9-3) steal one from the Mmmmmets. 

3. Vibes (8-2).  I recently learned the word, “Cheugy.”  At first I thought, “The Vibes probably refer to me as ‘Cheugy’ all the time.”  Then I realized, “I’m too old to be Cheugy.” And then I realized, “the Vibes probably don’t think about me as much as I think hope they do.”

2. Crawdads (13-1).  Ew.

1. Mets (12-0).  I’m already second guessing my bold prediction…

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