NEWS

01

By Nightmare (& Webby)–

So, for the ranking order this week, I decided to use WebGem’s 2021 World Series Odds.  I for one would have liked a little context for these rankings.  What was your motivation, Webby?  What was your process?  How many of those fancy Arnold Palmer not-beers did you drink putting them together?  Seriously, it seems like at least a few.  Anyways, I’m not a gambling man, I don’t know if these are good or accurate, but it was easier than thinking for myself, so I went with them!

Time for jokes…

(+20001) The Lugnuts (0-20).  So I’ll admit, I had to do some googling to figure out how to decipher these odds things.  Turns out, Webby is saying that if someone bet $100 on the ‘Nuts winning the Series, that person would win $20,000.  Wow.  Okay.  I get it, but Webby, you’re way off.  If someone bet $100 the Lugnuts would win the World Series, they’d get $0.  Nothing.  Nada.  Because hell would have frozen over, several times, and we’re all dead. 

(+20000) Bears (2-17).  I’m not sure why Webby is giving the Bears and ‘Nuts equal odds.  The Bears have more wins this season than the ‘Nuts have as a franchise.  Isn’t that worth something? 

(+9900) Blue Sox (6-17).  This is interesting to me.  +9900?  I don’t know what that means in terms of percentage chance Webby gives them, but it doesn’t seem good.  The sOx have Vlade (former batting champ), Eddie Bauer (self proclaimed Reds-slayer), and TwoBat (who has won the cup as many times as any current HRL’er).  Does all of that mean nothing?  What?  Oh, it DOES mean nothing?  Never mind then, +9900 it is… but why not a round +10000?

(+9100) Twins (5-14).  Why better odds than the sOx?  They have 18 games left, only five are against teams with winning records?  Seems to me they’ve got one of the easier roads left this season.  Webby must not believe in Nelson and the league’s (second) winningest pitcher of all time as much as I do.

(+8100) Mariners (6-14).  I’m starting to wonder if WG was assigning these numbers using some sort of random number generator.  +8100?  Not 8000?  Am I missing something? 

(+7300) The Millers.  (7-15).  This makes a little sense.  The Millers have already scored more runs (99) than they did the last two seasons (51 and 88).  And chances are, by the time I get these posted, they’ll have scored more than they did in 2018 as well (103).  The Millers are finally getting Bliss Jr. (a little) more run support.  They’re heating up at the right time… Could they be a Wifflepalooza spoiler?

(+6500) Trash Pandas (7-12).  Better odds than the Miracle Millers?  They’ve dropped eight in a row and they play in the far superior city.  I’m not sure what Webby was up to (or sippin’ on)  when he set these odds. 

(+5500) Yankees (9-11).  I’m looking back at what I’ve put together so far, and I am kind of offended (on behalf of the Yankees).  Webby seems to think the ‘Nuts are only four times less likely to win the Cup than the Yankees.  And that seems… wrong.

(+4700) Manatees (13-12).  I forget who… and when, but someone asked me who I thought makes it out of Wifflepalooza.  I picked the Manatees, without hesitation.  Yet Webby gives them +4700?  Tootin’, looks like WebGem should be your new trash talking target.  This guy doesn’t respect you nearly as much as I do. 

(+4300) Chihuahuas (11-9).  They’ve won four in a row.  They won Wifflepalooza last year.  It’s like Webby doesn’t know his HRL history.  These guys are primed to take the next step.  Is it too early to predict the Puppies join the ‘Tees as ‘Palooza champs?  Maaaybe….? 

(+4100) Team SanDaChops (9-11).  Within the past week, these guys have won games against the Ducks, Vibes, and Cakes.  All of whom have better odds of winning the Cup than them.  Clearly, Webby has some sort of grudge against these guys.  Maybe he’s never experienced the magical fifth inning.  He doesn’t know the magic of the Mohicans soundtrack, or the spark provided by Huey Lewis and the News.

[writer’s note: I don’t ever use their team name, but I just used “Mohicans,” I don’t know how I feel about that.]

(+3800) RubberDucks (8-8).  I got a text from Daddy, aka Zabka, last night.  I was wearing my Cobra Kai t-shirt at the time.  And actually, the text was from Huck, who was with Daddy, so same thing, basically.  Anyways, just thought I’d relive my highlight of the week.  Also, Stache has one career playoff win.  Somewhat hot take (some might call it a “medium take”): Stache doubles his career playoff wins this year.  Probably during Wifflepalooza, but it still counts!

(+3500) Marlins (11-11).  Better odds than the ‘Ducks?  Interesting.  I did some investigating and… It’s because the Marlins have already started their playoff beards.  Don’t believe me?  Check out their team page.  Box, Schnoogens: get your crap together!  Seriously, I’m finding myself oddly amused at the variety of facial hair these guys are rocking.

(+3200) Rumble Ponies (11-9).  Wow.  The Ponies manhandled Webby’s Crawdads last week and he still has no faith in them.  That’s what we’d call “disrespect” in the rankings game… if there were such a thing.

(+3000) Rough Riders (12-9).  Whatever, I said this team would be good way before Webby.  Let’s all just remember that before we start telling the shirtless one how smart he was for showing these guys some love.

(+1700)  Vibes (16-6).  June 3, 2021.  Vibes 15, Crawdads 4.  Yet somehow they’re half as likely to win the Cup.  Seems to me, ol’ topless (as I like to call him), was getting a little tipsy on his lady beer at this point in his odds making.  +1700?   Come on, dude.

(+1400) Americans (18-5).  If they could convince Lulu to never pick up a bat again, I’d give the Americans +300 odds.  Seriously, think about it ‘Cans. 

(+910) Crawdads (17-3).  What’s the difference between +910 and +880?  That sounds like the setup for a really hilarious joke by me… but it isn’t.  I’m curious.  Why not just make both +900?

(+880) Baby Cakes (19-3).  Part of me feels like WebGem is mocking the Cakes (i.e. me) by giving us slightly better odds.  I don’t know what your joke is… but I don’t like it.  Hmmm… something, something, that +30 difference allowing you to buy yourself a shirt… Smallpox gets it.

(+240) The Mets (20-1).  This basically means 50/50 right?  Like, the Mets will get to the WS and probably win?  I don’t totally disagree with that.  One question though: they bringing Hondo?  Playoff Hondo’s career: .250, 22 HR, 39 RBI (that’s really good).  Warning for all future Mets playoff opponents: Hondo is good.  And that sort of insight is why you’re reading my nonsense!

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